Last night at the gym

I have two gym memberships.

That might sound a bit OTT, but I work 40 miles away from home, and my company has corporate membership at a gym down the road from our offices. This is great for lunchtime workouts (which I do five days a week) but it'd be inconvenient to travel 40 miles on a weekend to work out... so I also pay for individual membership at a gym near home.

So I tend to do cardio at work's gym at lunchtime Monday to Friday, as well as an hour of cardio on Saturdays at the gym near home. I also weight train three nights a week at the gym near home in an effort to improve my physique. That's a total of nine gym sessions a week, with Sundays being my only day off.

Sound crazy?

Perhaps it is. But the thing is, I have spent my entire life (since the onset of puberty) hating my body and the way it looks. I'm very self-conscious about my hips (which my mother very cruelly referred to as 'child-bearing hips')  and breasts - both of which I've learned to... ignore isn't the right word, more like disregard... by simply not looking at myself. I avoid looking in the mirror wherever possible and I tend not to look when I wash myself in the shower or bath.

So anyway... gyms, like most public places, tend to provide changing facilities & toilets for either 'ladies' or 'gents'. Which means that if you're female-bodied, you are forced by social convention (and in many places, by law) to use the 'Ladies' facilites alongside all the women.

This can be a nightmare if you don't identify as female.

There are a couple of problems with this. Firstly, the Ladies' changeroom is full of women, and women are very chatty, often having loud, pointless, asinine conversations mainly about who they're with, what they're wearing, where they're going etc. Can you imagine being a (straight) man listening to that kind of conversation all the time? You'd be bored shitless.

Another problem with women's changing rooms is that women tend to walk around naked or topless, which I find revolting. (OK, I know men do it too in the men's changing room, but that's different - I don't find that disgusting).

So last night after my weight training session, I went back to the changing room only to see a woman standing butt-naked in the shower area, which kind of smacked me in the face as soon as I came round the corner. I couldn't help but exclaim in disgust and I rushed through to the other side of the room for some privacy. Then just a few minutes later, a pair of idiotic, giggly teenage girls came in to do their hair, makeup & whatever by the mirrors in the centre of the room, and their loud bullshit was the final straw.

I left the changing room in tears. I feel so bloody uncomfortable there; I don't belong with the women and I hate being lumped in with them.

So when I got to Reception on my way out, I blurted out to the Receptionist (with whom I'm quite friendly) that I wanted to know again (i've asked someone else before) whether they can provide me with a gender-neutral changing area. With tears in my eyes I explained that I shouldn't be in the women's changing rooms because I don't belong there, but that I can't yet use the men's room. So is there anything they can do?

She was surprised but sympathetic, and said she'd speak to the manager.

I'm not holding my breath. But at least I'm trying to find a way to be more comfortable. I'm sick of feeling upset every time I have to use the women's changing areas, and every time I have to see naked females (ugh!)... if this carries on much longer I don't know what I'll do!