Gym bunny

So in light of Hubby's apparent support for my changing my clothing & image to be more androgynous, I spoke to him about another aspect of why I'm so unhappy about myself: the shape of my body.

I used to weigh about 50kgs (I'm 1.55m tall) before I met him, but I put on weight during & between (and admittedly, after) my pregnancies and as such I'm currently about 15-20kgs overweight. I've been attending gym for the past couple of years, but I've had to do it in spits & spurts due to various (medical) reasons.

I'm such a nutcase that I actually have TWO gym memberships. I'm fortunate to have free corporate membership of a local gym near to where I work, but I work around 40 miles away from home so it isn't practical to use that gym on the weekends. So I also pay for membership of an independent chain of gyms near where I live so that I can exercise on the weekends too.

About a year ago I was fully in the swing of going to the gym 9 times per week: 6 sessions of cardio (Monday to Saturday) along with 3 sessions of weights (Mon, Weds, Fri). It was going great: I was losing weight, feeling fitter & healthier, and my body was becoming more muscular: just how I like it!

But as I have mentioned previously, Hubby likes soft curves: he's a boobs & bum man. So whilst he says he's supportive of my gym attendance, he is an opinionated old sod and he has been known to make critical comments about muscular women, such as female bodybuilders, when they are in the Press. So he says he's supportive, but I see things differently when I hear his bitchy comments.

So when my back, arms & legs started to get quite muscular last year, Hubby started making the occasional sniping comment. Nothing direct or personal - he's far too clever for that - but he made it known that he prefers me being soft & curvy to being muscular. Do you know what, Hubby? I understand that that is what you prefer, and that that is how you want me to look. But you are not me. And I cannot live my life (and live in this body) according to how somebody else wants me to be. No matter how much I love you.

Now that I've come to the decision that I need to address my gender dysphoria, I need to start weight training again to attain some of the shape I desire. (Last year, I absolutely loved the fact that my upper back was becoming hard, firm & muscular. I love feeling muscles under my skin and I want to feel firm all over). But I remember how Hubby reacted last time.

So I spoke to him about it in advance. I explained that since I want to appear more androgynous, I need to go back to the gym and I need to do some weight training. He said he was perfectly fine with that and would support me… but the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so let's see whether he starts getting snarky again when my musculature starts to show.

I'm already making good progress: I love the fact that I press more weight on the leg machines than most men at the gym, and that I have the knowledge and experience to ensure I use good form in my workouts - far better form, in fact, than many of the men in our gym.

Ha ha, guys, if only you knew, this slip of a 'girl' is one of you. ;-)