A thought occurred to me this morning while I was driving in to work. I know I can be dense at times, but I've just spotted a major difference between men & women in our society. And it's one of the problems I've always had with being female-bodied because people treat me incorrectly.
I've spotted that men in our society are treated as private persons. By this I mean that the public has no say in how they live their lives or the decisions they make. If a man wants to get an education in a respectable field, that's his right. If he wants to work an 80-hour week, he's a dependable husband providing for his family. If he goes grey, that's just his age. If he wants to dress to his comfort, he's just a bloke wearing what he wants; why would anyone ever even think of passing an opinion? He's treated as an adult who is sufficiently competent to make his own decisions. Granted, he can be judged or criticised if he makes decisions that are considered harmful, but most of his life choices are supported by society by default.
On the other hand women are treated as public property. The public thinks it has a right to an opinion on what a woman chooses to do with her life. If she wants an education, well that's fine but she'd better not get too big for her boots by studying any traditionally male field such as engineering. If she wants to work an 80-hour week, why is the selfish bitch neglecting her husband and kids? If she goes grey, she's a washed-out old hag. If she dresses to her comfort, she's a slut who deserves to be attacked in the street for wearing revealing clothes; or if she prefers less revealing clothes, she's 'frigid' or 'a lesbian'. She is treated as someone who is not only incompetent to make her own decisions, but she is heavily pressured to conform to society's expectations of what a 'wife and mother' should be. And if she doesn't, she fails as a woman.
That realisation hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. Society in general, spurred on by the media, thinks it is entitled to comment on every aspect of a woman's life but they wouldn't dare say some of these things about men. I had a look at the sidebar of articles on the Daily Mail's site (the most heavily visited news site in the world) for some examples of this. Here are three actual headlines from today's Daily Mail, along with my take of what's wrong with them, and a suggestion of what a similar headline could look like if the story applied to a man:
Actual Headline: Something to tell us, or just a REALLY good bikini? Frankie Sandford's curvier cleavage sparks boob job speculation.
What's wrong with it: the media (and public) thinks it has a right to comment on a woman's choices regarding her body.
Imagine this: Something to tell us, or just REALLY tight trousers? Justin Bieber's larger bulge sparks penile enhancement speculation.
Actual Headline: There's a rat in the kitchen (and it's not Alex Reid!) Hysterical Chantelle Houghton fails to keep her composure as she discovers vermin in her old house.
What's wrong with it: the headline implies that a typical stupid hysterical woman gets ridiculously emotional in public.
Imagine this: There's a rat in the kitchen (and it's not Chantelle Houghton!) Hysterical Alex Reid fails to keep his composure as he discovers vermin in his old house.
Actual Headline: Even J-Lo needs a bit of help! Ms Lopez keeps her famous curves in check as she sports Spanx under her skintight catsuit.
What's wrong with it: A 43-year-old mother apparently fails as a woman because she needs a little support to keep her figure up to the required standard.
Imagine this: Even Frasier needs a bit of help! Kelsey Grammer keeps his famous belly in check as he sports Spanx under his skintight shirt.
I'm willing to bet your reaction to the imagined headline involving a man is not quite as positive (or as neutral) as your reaction to the actual headline involving a woman. I'm willing to bet that most people would think that the women in the actual headlines are 'fair game' for such public scrutiny; and the men in my imagined headlines are having their privacy invaded.
Right?
I'm not sure why our society operates in this way, but clearly it does. This also goes some way towards explaining why so many women feel they need to 'dress sexily', including wearing loads of make-up: it's because they know they're under intense scrutiny everywhere they go and they'll be damned if they let some other woman look better than them.
Why do we think it's ok to invade the privacy of women, but unacceptable to do the same to men?
I am a private person, and I always have been. I refuse to allow others to judge me, particularly on my body parts or appearance. That's one of the many, many reasons why I dropped out of the 'female' game, and I feel a whole lot more comfortable now that I'm not under the same pressure.
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